"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley 
Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they
spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this.
A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish."
-- James Gorman 
"When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled
all day long."
-- Unknown
"Beware of a silent dog and still water."
-- Latin Proverb
"You do not own a dog, the dog owns you."
-- Unknown 
"One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him."
-- Chinese Proverb
"The slowest barker is the surest biter."
-- Unknown
"If you wish the dog to follow you, feed him."
-- Unknown"It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks."
-- Unknown"Let sleeping dogs lie."
-- Unknown"A really companionable and indispensable dog is an accident of nature. You
can't get it by breeding for it, and you can't buy it with money. It just happens
along."
-- E.B. White, The Care and Training of a Dog "Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not
himself find peace."
-- Dr. Albert Schweitzer"To err is human, to forgive, canine."
-- Unknown"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the
fight in the dog."
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower"Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out
when you're coming home his face might burn up."
-- * DEEP THOUGHTS * by Jack Handy "Every dog must have his day."
-- Jonathan Swift"I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now."
-- Steven Wright
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is
how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy "The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic."
-- Henry Ward Beecher "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney "One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead of his
tongue."
-- Unknown"Qui me amat, amet et canem meum."
("Love me, love my dog.")
-- St. Bernard, A.D. 1150, "Sermo Primus""I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong
answers."
-- Unknown"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night
wondering if there really is a Dog?"
-- Unknown"Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun."
-- Indian Proverb "I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend"
-- Barf, John Candy (Spaceballs)
For F.C... "I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me."
-- A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh"Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never
changes."
-- Lewis Grizzard"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before
any of us."
-- Robert Louis Stevenson"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
-- Franklin P. Jones"The disposition of noble dogs is to be gentle with people they know and the
opposite with those they don't know...How, then, can the dog be anything other
than a lover of learning since it defines what's its own and what's alien."
-- Plato " The difference between cats and dogs is, dogs come when you call them, cats
take a message and get back to you."
--Unknown--Thanks, Samled!
"Ways the Miss America Pageant Would Be Different if the Judges Were Dogs"
I'll never feel the harness of a Service Dog. I'll never fly to earthquake sites. I'll never do airport or border duty.
I'm just a pet.
I'm not as pretty as a show dog or as driven as a trialer. I go to school but not to competition. I'll never pass on my
genes. After all, I'm just a pet.
You won't find my pictures in the famous books or read my stories in the popular journals. The color of my nose,
the shape of my tail or the thickness of my coat are not that important. Remember, I'm just a pet.
Just a pet. A member of a family, a part of the pack. My photos are in the album. I'm wearing reindeer antlers and
silly sunglasses! I get special birthday cakes and dog-friend parties. They take me to the beach, park, lake and
forest.
My people worry over me. They get my shots and check-ups done. They spend more time on my diet than they do
on their own. I don't know why they do it, I'm just a pet.
Just a pet, but they treat me like a person. They talk to me, train me, brag about me, hug me and sometimes even
cry over me.
And I can't give them anything back. I mean, I'll babysit and guard the house and put up with anything the kids dish
out. And just maybe, sometimes I let them see something of themselves in me, in my gentleness, my courage and
my pride. Oh sure I love them totally without regard to anything. Maybe because our time together is so short.... I
don't know, I'm just a pet.
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge
across the room, barking loudly, and leap playfully on this person. If
the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and
growl gently to show your concern.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a
lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their
house, especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in
their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep
waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark,
bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately
before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to
fetch your human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and
upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so
they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of
each hole, maybe they'll hink it's gophers. There are never enough
holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this
problem.
DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the
family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your
duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially
when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the
floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as
much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your
master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all
your humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use
the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never - quite - catch
them. It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry ... eat a shoe.
TAKE ME HOME